Post #6: The Secret Lives of Teachers - A Short Story

The last bus has left, and everyone in detention has been sent home. The janitorial staff has disappeared back into the supply closets, mops and buckets in hand. The teachers gather in the lunchroom, wearing pink velvet robes and bunny slippers. They place the All-Powerful Limbo Stick on the best table in the lunchroom and bow down to it. The All-Powerful Limbo Stick is a myriad of colors, and makes the students uncomfortable when they look at it, as though it is mocking them.
The English Teachers bring a stack of failed tests and papers up to the table and one by one begin sacrificing the pieces of poor writing and miscalculated numbers to the All-Powerful Limbo Stick. They set each sheet of paper on fire and chant "Jack be limbo, jack be quick, jack go under limbo stick. All around the limbo clock, hey let's do the limbo rock".
The Science Teachers do the "Elaine" around the pyre of failure while they throw boric acid onto the flames.
The Math Teachers sacrifice Casio fx-9750GII calculators to the ever-growing flames.
The History Teachers throw ipods and phones that were taken away onto the flames, and the batteries explode and the lunchroom is filled with an acrid smell of burnt pizza and dead dreams.
 The Teachers chant louder and faster and then the All-Powerful Limbo Stick rises up on a column of green flames. The teachers stop dancing and sacrificing, but continue to chant. A bell rings, signaling the end of the chanting period. The All-Powerful Limbo Stick speaks.
"I command you to bring me more failing papers! Sacrifice the failings of students to me! I am the All-Powerful Limbo Stick!"
The teachers bow once more, promising to bring more failed papers. An English Teacher steps forward.
"O' All-Powerful Limbo Stick! I shall not only bring you the sad excuses my students consider essays, but also green sheets of shame, signifying their failure to complete their assignments!" He says.
"Yes. This pleases me greatly." The All-Powerful Limbo Stick thunders. The All-Powerful Limbo Stick then disappears in puff of yellow smoke and reappears in the upstairs math classroom, near the calculator table, to be found the following morning by the first period Statistics Teacher.